(no subject)

Fun With Drugs.

so its pretty common knowledge that anyone who has known me for a long period of time knows that my mother didn't start having her seizures until she had started this diet, lost about 70 pounds, and was taking supplements? Me and my husband were talking about him taking a little bit of testosterone to help buff him up. and ofcourse i told him that could be dangerous.. his response was " it's not a steroid.." Now, he is no idiot, he is definitely one of the smartest people i know, but i thought it was a good example about how much people really know about testosterone. BTW, Testosterone is a Steroid. so i thought i would post some facts about testosterone, to perhaps enlighten some people : ) Here we go, :


–noun ..TR> 1. Biochemistry. the sex hormone, C19H28O2, secreted by the testes, that stimulates the development of male sex organs, secondary sexual traits, and sperm.
..TABLE> ..TR> 2. Pharmacology. a commercially prepared form of this compound, originally isolated from bull's testes and now also produced synthetically, used in medicine chiefly for treatment of testosterone deficiency and for certain gynecological conditions

used to treat testosterone deficiency and certain Gyn problems.. (testosterone deficiency is lack of this anabolic steroid in a male, characterized by underdeveloped genitals and/or lack of virility ((just 2 examples there...)) )

Testosterone is controlled by your pituatory gland and hypothalamus. you know what else they control..?

"..The hypothalamus is responsible for certain metabolic processes and other activities of the Autonomic Nervous System. It synthesizes and secretes neurohormones, often called hypothalamic-releasing hormones, and these in turn stimulate or inhibit the secretion of pituitary hormones. The hypothalamus controls body temperature, hunger, thirst, [1] fatigue, anger, and circadian cycles..."

see how thats linked now? now, not everybody is going to have an adverse effect on testosterone, but there is still a risk. does the name Chris Benoit ring a bell? Famous pro-wrestler murdered his family then committed suicide, was taking testosterone,

"..Steroid abuse once again came into the spotlight recently as a result of the Chris Benoit double murder-suicide in 2007, and the media frenzy surrounding it - however, there has been no evidence indicating steroid use as a contributing factor..."

Hmmm i don't think somebody would just wake up and decide to do a thing like that, granted, having some sort of mental illness is to go with the testosterone could be possible. But, another reaction to testosterone...read this..:


Contrary to what has been postulated in outdated studies and by certain sections of the media, aggressive behaviour is not typically seen in hypergonadal men who have their testosterone replaced adequately to the eugonadal/normal range. In fact aggressive behaviour has been associated with hypogonadism and low testosterone levels and it would seem as though supraphysiological and low levels of testosterone and hypogonadism cause mood disorders and aggressive behaviour, with eugondal/normal testosterone levels being important for mental well-being. Testosterone depletion is a normal consequence of aging in men. One consequence of this is an increased risk for the development of Alzheimer's Disease (Pike et al, 2006, Rosario 2004)."

well, if a person takes a chemical for so long, you get a tolerance to it, therefore needing more to have what said chemical to have the effects of when you first had taken it. Now, say you realize that this chemical is no good for you and you stop taking it. your body is in for a shock, because all of a sudden, you have a lack of a chemical that your brain had become more dependent on! a popular drug that people are often depicted in movies of coming off of is Heroin. i'm not saying heroin and testosterone are the same thing, just a good example to understand better.

alright im tired. more about this testosterone thing later...lol...

(wikipedia & dictionary.com )

(no subject)

How to be Emo...


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Emo kids cry when they Touch themselves

so i went back, and read a few of my blogs, and i've realized that i have been incredibly emo lately. i'm more or less just freaking out about court and my shoulder. BUT! i had an alright night last night, went out for awhile with elise, then crashed at akio's place. NOOOW i'm dying my hair a darker color... i'm trying for my natural, rather than my light blonde. (my natural is Dark blonde, almost a mousey brown) i still have makeup smeared across my face from last night XD

but anyway, in the event of myself being emo, i thought i would post a tutorial on it..

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Saturday, November 01, 2008

a few thoughts on my mind.
Current mood: stressed

so its almost 5 in the morning, an i cant fall asleep.

yesterday was halloween. : ) i watched a few movies with a couple of friends i don't normally hang out with, but i am still thankfull for them to be in my life.

Yesterday, i was expecting a few phone calls, i didn't recieve any. it was shitty. i'm just overwhelmed with stress right now. i leave messages, i text, i call. so i don't think im being a crappy person at all, granted i have no phone reception in my room, so im sorry if i don't get yalls phone calls right away. should i keep making efforts, or should i just stop? why keep trying? i've come across this before, and i just stopped, which made me a happier person. i think im going to start cuttn people out of my life, why bother with unwanted stress? i've got way too much going on right now. for instance, today. i had my first interview with the prosecuter, and i know that i more than likely will be going to court. i'm terrified. I feel incredibly alone in this. i wish my family was here. my advocate is really helpfull. but on the other hand, nobody bothered to ask how it went today. (besides my family). nobody knows it looks like were going to court, and that they are more than likely are gonna get subpoena'd (is that how you spell it?) i've got too much on my mind right now, and i am still a bit shaken up from today. i should try to get some sleep.

sleep is overrated

its 1230 in the morning, and i still can't fall asleep!

this sucks completely and utterly. i have watch soon.. so im hoping if i write a little of whats on my mind, i'll sleep better.. tomorrow is my first interview with the prosecuter. i don't know what to expect so much, i am a little scared of whats going to happen. i know they are on my side and all that. its still a hard thing to do. BUT! i know im a strong woman, and i can do this! i miss adam. im flying up to rhode island to see him, i think this will be a huge relief, he always calms me down so much. i've been feeling quite anti-social lately.. everhave those times where you feel like you're just viewing the world differently than most people.? i mean, everyone has their own perspective on whats around them.. but, idk. it's hard to explain. its almost like 'is the glass half full or half empty?' i'm more of the person to think whats in the glass? you can have it to the brim, but it won't matter if its filled with cough syrup rather than honey. then who's stay what is reality? i may percieve the glass is there, but is it? (lol.. now i sound like im hallucinating..haha..) i guess thats the best way i can describe it.. i think im sleepy now, so im going to take my chances with the pillow : ) lol....
  • Current Mood
    contemplative contemplative

(no subject)

i've realized that people dont always read the blogs on myspace, where i usually update my life... SO! i will catch all of ya up here, and will be posting simultaneously on both blogs... : )
my life so far:
Tuesday, October 28, 2008

october is domestic violence awareness month!

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence:

One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.

An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year.

Almost one-third of female homicide victims that are reported in police records are killed by an intimate partner.
85% of domestic violence victims are women.
Boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults.
The cost of intimate partner violence exceeds $5.8 billion each year, $4.1 billion of which is for direct medical and mental health services.
Victims of intimate partner violence lost almost 8 million days of paid work because of the violence perpetrated against them by current or former husbands, boyfriends and dates. This loss is the equivalent of more than 32,000 full-time jobs and almost 5.6 million days of household productivity as a result of violence.
Only approximately one-quarter of all physical assaults, one-fifth of all rapes, and one-half of all stalkings perpetuated against females by intimate partners are reported to the police.
And according to the National Alliance to End Homelessness, domestic violence is one of the most frequently stated causes of homelessness for families, with 13 percent of homeless families saying that they had left their last place of residence because of abuse or violence in the household.

Here are some ways to stay informed or get help if you need it:

Visit the site for the Domestic Violence Awareness Month Project, which is coordinated by the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence. They have a long list of links to other domestic violence organizations, so it's a great place to start looking for information or resources.
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence seeks "to organize our collective power by advancing transformative work, thinking and leadership in communities and individuals who seek to end violence in our lives".
A section of Amnesty International's site is devoted to violence against women, including a page that specifically addresses domestic violence. "Amnesty International considers domestic violence a form of torture for which the state is accountable when the acts perpetrated are of the nature envisioned by the international standards of torture, and when the state has failed to fulfill its obligation to provide women effective protection."
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is a nonprofit organization that "provides crisis intervention, information and referral to victims of domestic violence, perpetrators, friends and families. The Hotline answers a variety of calls and is a resource for domestic violence advocates, government officials, law enforcement agencies and the general public." NDVH operates 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year in more than 170 languages. They answer more than 600 calls a day and have answered more than two million calls since 1996, when the hotline was created as part of the Violence Against Women Act (thanks Joe Biden!). You can reach the hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.
"For more than two decades, the Family Violence Prevention Fund (FVPF) has worked to end violence against women and children around the world. Instrumental in developing the landmark Violence Against Women Act passed by Congress in 1994, the FVPF has continued to break new ground by reaching new audiences including men and youth, promoting leadership within communities to ensure that violence prevention efforts become self-sustaining, and transforming the way health care providers, police, judges, employers and others address violence."
The U.S. Department of Justice's Office on Violence Against Women has info on Domestic Violence Awareness Month (including a video message from OVW Director Cindy Dyer), as well as lots of information on domestic violence as well as sexual assault, stalking, and teen dating violence.
VAWnet is the National Online Resource Center on Violence Against Women, which is a gateway to tons of research and information.
Loveisrespect.org is the website for the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline, which is operated by the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Call 1-866-331-9474 or 1-866-331-8453 TTY, or visit the site to contact them via email or online chat. This is a great site for young people who might feel that "domestic violence" couldn't possibly apply to them or their friends.

Here are some ways to to get involved by raising money, raising awareness, or just making your voice heard:

The Clothesline Project (CLP) is a program started on Cape Cod, MA, in 1990 to address the issue of violence against women. It is a vehicle for women affected by violence to express their emotions by decorating a shirt. They then hang the shirt on a clothesline to be viewed by others as testimony to the problem of violence against women.
Donate an old cellphone to the Call to Protect program, which provides free phones to domestic violence victims for emergency use. You can get a free mailing label for your donation here.

The Body Shop has a Stop Violence in the Home campaign. The theme for the 2008 campaign is friendship. "By providing practical tools to empower women to provide support to friends in need, the campaign can be a source of inspiration and support for millions of women around the world. As part of the campaign The Body Shop has created a "For Me, For You" Special Edition Shea Lip Care Duo. By simply giving one to a friend you each get a wonderful reminder that you have a confidante whom you can trust, for whom no secret is too big or too small. (And you each enjoy moisturised lips every time it's applied!) All proceeds from the sale of the Shea Lip Care Duo go directly to our campaign partners whose work supports those who have been affected by domestic violence.

Donate to the National Domestic Violence Hotline so that they can keep answering calls every minute of every day of the year. Or join their Million Voices campaign.

Check out the Family Violence Prevention Fund's action alerts - they have updates on legislation, info on how to contact members of Congress and other politicians, and a media guide.
Write to companies that sponsor groups like the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and thank them for supporting the cause. (And we've already talked about the idea of "think before you pink" in terms of breast cancer awareness, so we're not saying that you should automatically buy stuff or support a company just because they support a cause that you care about.) If you can't afford or don't want to buy a product (or even if you do), it's free and easy to give feedback to companies that choose to put their money towards ending domestic violence.
Support that Faces of Violence campaign.

Thank Joe Biden for the Violence Against Women Act.
V-Day's 2009 season is getting underway, so check out their website for information on how you can get involved in their efforts to stop violence against women and girls around the world, and be on the lookout for The Vagina Monologues and other V-Day performances in your neighborhood early next year.

Love is Respect accepts donations. They also have lots of ideas of ways for young people to get involved in speaking out against teen dating violence, including simple things you can do online like adding them on myspace or adding a love is respect banner to your website.

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Supernatural~ Charlie The Unicorn
Current mood: enlightened



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Monday, October 27, 2008

icy hands of the barracks!
Current mood: contemplative

ok, im freezing in my room right now. im under 545647 many blankets and it sucks.what can a person do?

im nervous about the week coming up. its alot of review and practice labs. this is going to be a pain in my ass. its going to be routers that aren't programed correctly. i just know it. ugh, gag me with a spoon but on the flipside, its another week closer of seeing adam for a long weekend : ) the wednesday before thanksgiving i fly into newport rhode island. (coool! ) i get to see another state i've never been too . i'm excited about seeing new things, also excited to see adam again. it feels like just yesterday he was here...you know what really sucks? they will remain nameless, but i was invited to hang out for a while with a few guy friends, but i couldn't get over the fear of not being sure if they wanted more than just 'chilling'. i know not everyone wants my body.. thats a gimme, but i cant help but to be a little paranoid about people. i just don't want to be put in that position ever. so i do have a little fear of that. maybe one day i will get over that, but maybe its a good thing to be that cynical of people? to have that mentality i know that i will not let myself be put iin a position of being compromised. i'll be fine.

i need sleep<3

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Sunday, October 26, 2008

i’m here still..

ever have those days that you just sit, and reflect on your life? i wonder if fate really exists.

all the things that were happening at that period of my life, made absolutely no sense. but, if it wasn't for those things, i wouldn't be here.

I have the best job in the world, i am happily married and i am able to plan when i want to have kids.

i'm going to see the world.

if i were to get pregnant.. (hopefully not.. ) i could happily support a baby with me and adam. i love my life, and what god has planned for me. some things are not ok, but i will fix those problems. i have the best family anyone could ask for. i miss them alot, i do miss being around people and them having an unsaid understanding of who i am. i think of them everyday.I have the best husband a woman could ask for. They really don't make them like him anymore, and i am so blessed to have such a wonderful person in my life.

i truly am blessed with what i have.

But enough of the heartfelt crap. i have school tomorrow. More studying about networking.. its difficult to learn, but i am getting it.

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Thursday, October 09, 2008

When People Ooze Stupidity.

adam will be here tomorrow : )

ever been to a party, and the people you have previously built friendships with and have had conversations with, just become stupid? What i mean is, they put up this front, hiding behind a larger vocabulary and ideals of others, then when they become a part of a group, they just turn into sheep. Actions Speak louder than words. that just really gets under my skin. I Absolutely hate that mentality.

ok im done venting : )

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Tuesday, October 07, 2008


3 days and a wake up till Adam is here..

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Sunday, October 05, 2008

I Married an Altar Boy
Current mood: tired

This Past week has been Awful. it all started Last sunday. I drank too much and woke up with 2 guys on top of me. i'm not even that emotional about it. Just Pissed off. the doctors gave me percoset for the pain, i kept taking them so i would feel better. Mentally and Physically. but, i stopped taking them and started Getting Headaches. so i stopped, i am just recovering now from Bruising. but now that i can think straight, i just feel blah.i don't really 'feel' per say. My Moms Been sick. Her Platelet levels have dropped 9,000.. in 3 weeks. levels are supposed to be between 100,000 - 400,000 . hers are at 13,000. Her Spleen has been killing them off. so now they put her on Steroids to try to reverse all this, but if that dont work, They could either take her spleen out or ChemoTherapy. She can't do anything, because she could hurt herself and cause internal Bleeding. I call and talk to adam to try to destress. But. something has come up with him. His orders to japan are for a first class P.O. he was supposed to go over there with another guy, and they were starting there legal Department. But, this guy is going to Mast for Plagiarism ( i think thats how you spell it..?) therefore getting Dropped from Justice School. so that leaves him with 2 options, either dealing with all the stress of an LPO For Masawa Japan Being a 3rd class straight out of Justice School. OR. They won;t let him go because he is a 3rd class straight out of justice school. meaning no Japan, unless he negotiates for orders to Yokosuka where im at. also meaning we wouldn't see eachother for 2 years. If it wasn't for adam, i think i would drown. Now, the fear of not having him in Japan is just an awful feeling. i feel like i've got a constant weight on my chest.

I'm in Maryland now taking a mini Vacation this weekend. It is nice just to relax. But back to school on Monday. back to everything going on.

Adam is coming here next weekend, i am so happy, i've been looking forward seeing him, thats my motivation for the week

He's My altar Boy <3
  • Current Mood
    content content

(no subject)

i am so excited for leaving !
Can't wait to go to boot camp.. i know i'm weired. I just like being out on my own, not depending on anyone, getting ahead in life and all that crap. Me and John are good, we have the usuall arguments.. buuuut... you know how i go. if i know im right, im right. Period. and i hate when someone saids 'Whatever' Or 'I don't know'. Pet peeves, yaknow what im saying, right? or am i just a nut... ohwell. OMG i <3 Depeche mode... i'm listening to 'i just can't get enough.'
: ) ..
I'm really bored.
i'm going to watch t.v now.. Mbe I <3 new york is on.....
  • Current Music
    Depeche Mode- I just can't get enough.

(no subject)

hi there.... w00t!
i've had terrible days at work, : ( AND i heard my Ex is Dealing again, and it's Legit. He pisses me off to no end, but hey, he's ruining his own life.
i'm just a little depressed...i should just stop thinking about things then.. im going to sleep.

(no subject)

Soooo yeah. only christmas Presents i need to get are my fathers and my brothers. :D! Funness!!
Uhh I love my Job! <3 I feel i'm doing good and all that...
Got John his presents, i'm pretty sure he'll like what i got him, i'm so excited to give them to him, i d k if i can hold out till christmas. : P
thats with any gift really, i just can't hold out.. i get so excited to give it to them and seeing if they like it... ohwell, i'll have to practice some self Discipline.
My money has been going out the window, It's hard because not only i get paid Bi-Weekly, Christmas is coming up, and i had to get some necessities for myself. *sigh* it goes so fast.. OHWELL no matter : ) Still a happy camper! buuuuuut i gotta get offline, my dad is running virus scan aaaand i paused it. Get caught and Die Situation : O!!!
  • Current Mood
    cold cold

I'm a bad bad person.

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

Last Monday I ate my brussel sprouts (1 points). Last month I committed genocide... Sorry about that, thwippersnapple (-5000 points). In June I invaded Iraq, broke it, and couldn't glue it back together before Mom got home (-1012 points). In April I helped poketto_sama see the light (8 points). In May I gave ikickass a kidney (1000 points).

Overall, I've been naughty (-5003 points). For Christmas I deserve a moldy sandwich!


Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:
  • Current Mood
    full full

DEC 5 !!!

December 5th is the Victorias secret fashion show and its
the OFFICIAL DAY OF THE NINJA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11